Saturday, July 12, 2008

Copulating cockroaches

As if the creatures weren't disgusting enough individually, yesterday I discovered a pair 'doing the dirty' on my kitchen counter. Ugh! Double ugh!!

They were so thoroughly engrossed in the procedure that I had to practically drown them in Raid before they disentangled and fell to the floor, writhing in what I hope was extreme and excruciating agony before dying. Triple ugh!!!

You know, I grew up in the far north where, of course, I'd heard of cockroaches but had never seen one. I had always heard that they primarily 'resided' in dirty places and apartment buildings. I guess that's true. (?)

Well, down here in 'God's country', Texas, there exists a creature approaching 2" in length (I kid you not) that the locals call a 'tree roach'. [The first time Dad saw one, he exclaimed, "Look at the size of that beetle!"] And, as one might assume from the moniker, they are usually found outside.

I was telling my daughter yesterday that I intended to publish a post titled "Copulating cockroaches", and she said, "You're not!?!" I responded, "Yes, I am", and our conversation went on from there to include some of each of our previous experiences with these overgrown 'beetles' of the south.

She recalled a time when she was sleeping on a cot in her daddy's temporary apartment in New Orleans and a cockroach crawled over her face. Quadruple ugh!!!!

Have you ever had one of these monsters on you? I have, a time or two, but they generally run as fast as they can away from me, because I am Goldenrod, the mighty roach killer who ALWAYS has a can of Raid handy!

The feeling is quite similar to that of a feather, actually.

As large as the tree roaches are in Houston, however, in New Orleans they're even bigger, if you can imagine such a thing. Not only that, they fly at you! Quintuple ugh!!!!!

In New Orleans, we had a home that featured a VERY large family/activity-type room. We purchased a pool table, and DD (Does everyone remember who 'DD' is?? DD is 'Darling Daughter'.) yesterday told me of a time when one of the NO cockroaches was chasing her through the family room. (?) She jumped up on the pool table and the cockroach flew up after her!

I asked, "What happened next?" She said, "I don't remember." (?) You know what? I think she was remembering a bad dream that ended when she woke up, that's what I think!

She used a phrase that I'd like to share with you ... "shuddering herself into jello" ... is that descriptive, or what??

Anyway, I shuddered to think of these disgusting creatures trying to multiply in my very own kitchen. Enough, already!


whalechaser said...

Ok, NOW WHO has to stop. I am only glad I took care of my toilet duties prior to reading this!

Nancy said...

I went to college in south Georgia, where the palmetto bug (or giNORmous American cockroach) reigned. I remember one time walking out of my dorm one evening as it was getting dark. It was early fall and there were big, brown leaves on the path. Except that when I stepped in them, they all ran away. Those bugs are the only thing my husband is afraid of.

K.C. said...

Yes, that would be a site. I thought Porn was bad... Kayce

Goldenrod said...

Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy, the day that cockroaches have their own 'site' is the day that I will stop posting!!!

Don't want to pick on you, Whale, but this post was not meant to be funny. (Maybe, down the road, in 30+ years or so, I will find it amusing, but not toDAY!)

Nancy, that must have been a really horRENdous experience when you stepped on the 'dead leaves' only to find them skittering away. Sextuple ugh!!!!!!

Tammy said...

Ok, now you've for sure talked yourself out of a visit from me!

'Possums, mosquitos (sp?), and birds are one thing. But romantic cockroaches send me over the edge.

I would have totally freaked out.....

Goldenrod said...

I am now disconsolate. It is what it is what is, Tammy, what can I tell you?? You're not going to stop talking to me, EITHER, are you?

Craig Peihopa said...

eeeuuw! Cockroaches have no redeeming cosmetic qualities at all! and copulating ones are an absolute crime!