Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Little old ladies and my family

Well, DSL (Dreaded Son-in-Law) got into it with a little old lady the other day.

He does the majority of the grocery shopping for the family and was driving down one of those long parking aisles in front of the supermarket, minding his own business and looking for a convenient place to park his car when it was run into by a little old lady hurriedly backing her vehicle out of its parking spot.

They both got out of their cars to inspect the damage. The little old lady (lol) was very upset, and DSL wasn't in any mood for frivolity. In order to have the time they needed to exchange information without blocking others, she pulled back in and he found a spot to park three or four places down.

He was walking back to where the lol's vehicle should have been parked when he saw her quickly backing it out of its space again, whereupon she immediately struck another vehicle coming down the same aisle!

He's standing there somewhat in a state of shock, the man driving the newly-hit vehicle is asking the lol what the devil she thought she was doing, and lol is crying. Anyway, DSL somehow manages to exchange information with the lol and goes into the store to do his shopping.

He exits the store with his bags of groceries some time later expecting to deposit them in his car and go home. Instead of being able to do so, lol and the other victim (who are still standing there discussing whatall has happened) tell him that the police have been called (lol has insisted -??) and ask him to wait.

Three hours later (of course!) the police arrive.

Darling Daughter was telling me this story yesterday, and we were just hooting with laughter!

Then she asked, "Mom, do you remember the time when I was hit while riding my bicycle?" Nooo, I didn't.

Said she'd ridden her bicycle to the corner store to pick up some Gerber's apricot baby food and a few other things. She must have been 10 or 11 years old at the time.

No, we didn't have a baby in the house. She had developed quite a fondness for the apricot flavor -- and, it was good (ex-husband and I both liked it very much, as well) -- and was almost back home when a large car pulled out of its parking place and hit the bicycle, causing DD to drop her bag of groceries and break one of the glass Gerber jars.

This blue-haired lol quickly got out of her car and asked DD if she was all right. She was, and the bicycle was, too. It had been only a tap, really.

[Do you remember when there were a lot of blue-haired little old ladies? I do. The dyes they used then were not nearly as good as they are today.]

Then, they both came up to our front door to tell me what had happened. I can't believe I don't remember that!

I was reminded of a time when I was driving down the Southwest Freeway here in Houston. I could see in my rear view mirror a large car coming up behind me that looked like it was weaving a bit.

It was in the middle of the day, a tad early for a drunk driver, but I thought I should probably get as far away from the other car's projected path as possible. And so, I start inching over into another lane, all the while keeping an eye on the weaver.

As I'm watching, I see it sideswipe two cars. One on its right, one on its left (over-correcting, obviously). I try to inch over some more. I'm successful.

The other car goes by and misses me. Behind the wheel I see a (guess what?) lol. I don't remember now if she was looking through the steering wheel or over it. No matter. She missed me.

I continued to watch her progress down the freeway. She wasn't speeding, but it was obvious that she was having some kind of control problem. Perhaps a health issue? I don't know.

She sideswiped at least two other vehicles that I could attest to -- and, as I passed each one (they were all braking), I could see that the drivers' faces were all of the same expression, incredulity!

A question ... Does the fact that I am a little old lady directly relate to my not ever having been hit by one?

But I wasn't always a lol, or was I? Hmmm. Gertrude Stein once said, "We are always the same age inside."

Certainly I am of the right age to be called one, I guess. I asked DD how old the lol was who backed into DSL, and she answered about 75. Hmmm.

I wonder if they (DD and DSL) think of me as a little old lady? Hmmm.

I drive a Buick LeSabre. Every single one of the lol's cars in this post was a Buick! Hmmm.

Although I have lots and lots of wrinkles, I don't have blue hair, nor is my hair white or even gray. (And no, I don't dye it.) Maybe that saves me? Hmmm.

I wonder if Darling GrandDaughter should be forewarned about little old ladies driving Buicks?


Tammy said...

Ok, this is my favorite all-time post by you. I was snickering pretty much through all of it. You have quite a sense of humor. :)

Your son in law....I should feel bad that his shopping outing took over 3 hours, but dang, that's funny! Poor little old lady. Can you imagine her having to retell the story to her little old man hubby or children. HOW embarassing.

Don't know if your daughter still likes (was it?) apricots? Will have to re-read that in a minute. But the jars of baby food pudding are delicious. Did you ever taste the one called Blueberry Buckle? Mmmmmm.......

And your thoughts on being a little old lady cracked me up. I've never met you, but through phone conversations, emails, and reading your blog, I've come to the conclusion you definitely are NOT a "little old lady."

Tammy said...

Forgot to mention, when I was in 6th grade we lived out in the country in northern Idaho and had to ride the bus to school. Our bus driver was a little old lady who liked to bring her brown bag with her on the job. She crashed the bus into a fence one day. It was pretty "scandalous" to all of us grade schoolers. I asked my mom years ago if she remembered that (my brother still remembers) and she didn't have ONE recollection of it. lol! :)

Goldenrod said...

A fascinating thing, the mind ... what one remembers (or doesn't) ... memories that certain words or phrases or events trigger ... thoughts that are there one instant and completely gone the next.

DD and I are constantly interrupting each other during both phone and face-to-face conversations. Drives the other one crazy sometimes. Other times it's just hysterical.

She loved this post. Sent me an e-mail titled "LOL at the lol's" ... "Couldn't help myself. Laughed and laughed at the 'Hmmm' commentary," she said. (fb) :>

Glad you got a giggle out of it, Tammy. It was fun to write.

steven said...

a great post goldenrod - hilarious!! i've got to say though that in my own daily experience, the little old ladies - who all seem to drive massive land yachts - are among the more careful drivers out there. the ones that make my knees turn to jelly? schoolbus drivers, single male pickup truck drivers, and families in unrestored cars more than twenty years old!!!


Goldenrod said...

Lol's driving "massive land yachts"? Too funny, Steven!

Something not so funny is that Tammy's oldest child was struck yesterday morning (thank God NOT by a blue-haired lol driving a Buick!) while riding her bicycle.

She's OK, seemingly, with a lot of bruises and scrapes. Bike was totaled.

Goldenrod said...

Hey, Tammy? I have searched for that "Blueberry Buckle" you mentioned each time I stop at a grocery store ... not there! And I can't believe how much the Gerber's baby food section has changed over the years!

Why am I making this comment today? Well, I was going to make a copy of this post for Celia - I'm picking her up in less than an hour - and thought I'd read the comment section (refresh my memory on whoall had made a comment). And so there you have it! :)