Every time I try to bake a birthday cake the candles keep melting in the oven.
Money is worth so little now that it's surprising so many people spend so much time working for it.
Prodigy: a child who plays the piano when he ought to be in bed.
A dachshund is a dog who wags his tail by remote control.
He cut a hole in the top of his umbrella so he could see when it stopped raining.
Music is much more enjoyable if you listen to it with your eyes shut. It is also more enjoyable if the people sitting near you listen to it with their mouths shut.
In India, "a pot without a cover" refers to unattended business; but "a pot that has its lid" is a Lebanese expression for a well-matched couple.
A first kiss is something that comes only once in a lifetime.
Men and women usually win elections chiefly because most people cast their vote against somebody rather than for somebody.
The doctor gave me a prescription to take, and it was the worst tasting paper I ever ate.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. __ George Carlin
When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.
I'm in the printing business. Nobody can read my handwriting.
Humility is to make a right estimate of yourself. __ Harry S. Truman