Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The ten laws of love

I don't remember exactly where I saw these, but (imo) they are absolutely critical for any lasting relationship ... marriage included, of course. Perhaps, if I had adhered to any more than one or two of them, I would still be 'happily' married to my first husband.

Chemistry ... #1 ... it's the magic, the special energies that signal partners possess the raw materials for success. Chemistry is not optional. It provides the synergy couples need to survive the rapids of any new relationship, and keeps them high on a course to achieve their goals.

Priority ... #2 ... a couple's commitment to keep the health of their relationship front and central. It asks partners to begin to psychologically "leave the nest" of their first families - and to address any compulsions and addictions, including codependence, in order to be fully available to their second family.

Emotional integrity ... #3 ... asks partners to create an emotional "safe zone" with each other. They do this by taking responsibility for their feelings, especially by learning the difference between 'acting them out' and expressing them healthily. This law also guides partners in identifying and healing blind spots and 'hot buttons' that cause disharmony in all relationships.

Listening ... #4 ... the greatest act of love, and a (an acquired?) skill. It involves the partners' ability to hear each other's words - along with the feelings underneath - with understanding, compassion and empathy.

Equality ... #5 ... about fairness and respect. It involves acknowledging power imbalances in the relationship and helps partners see through the tyranny of unnegotiated (and often antiquated) roles, responsibilities and unconscious expectations.

Peacemaking ... #6 ... a couple's commitment to maintain their emotional safe zone through the use of anger management, conflict resolution tools and agreements.

Self-love ... #7 ... talks about landmines and unfinished business from childhood and prior relationships. (Personally, I'm having a little trouble with this one. To me, self-love has a lot to do with a myriad of other things that are not mentioned or discussed here, but I'm including it because it is important!)

Mission in life ... #8 ... true love cannot be sustained until both parties are engaged in their own true work. The discussion goes on to say that "intimates are either the mission's most powerful support or its most-feared saboteur".

Walking ... #9 ... addresses the primary insecurities that plague all partners. Emotional and financial dependencies can lead to a slow death of trust, love, respect and passion. When intimates are willing and able to leave the relationship, if need be, you can almost bet on the fact that they will not!

Transformational education ... #10 ... the 'fail-safe' mechanism. It represents partners' commitment to do whatever healing is necessary if they get stuck on any of the first nine laws.

You know what? Upon typing these and trying to assimilate all of the possible meanings, it occurred to me that these were written for "same-sexers".

But, you want to know also what? I see a whole lot of truisms there for those of us in the heterosexual world who have experienced wholesome, faltering or even failed relationships - myself included.


Tammy said...

I'd say the 10 laws of love are pretty important in ALL significant relationships.

Good to be reminded of these, thank you.

Craig Peihopa said...

Thanks for this