To tickle some of your funny bones, here are some actual stories of people calling in to various help centers. The conversations are from taped recordings of the calls.
Information, please ...
Customer: I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through. Can you help me?
Operator: Where did you get that number, sir?
Customer: It's on the door of your business.
Operator: Sir, those are the hours we are open.
Caller: Operator, can you give me the telephone number for 'Jack'?
Operator: I'm sorry, sir, I don't know who you're talking about.
Caller: On page 1, section 5, of the User Guide, it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and Telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?
Operator: I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.
Caller: I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please.
Operator: I'm sorry, there's no such listing. Are you sure the spelling is correct?
Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar, but the B fell off.
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven?' Are you sure?
Caller: Yes. That's what it says on the label ... Woven in Scotland.
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds told a worried operator, "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on."
Travel and car assistance ...
Caller: (inquiring of RAC Motoring Services) ... Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I'm traveling in Australia?
Operator: Does the product name give you a clue?
Caller: (asking about legal requirements while traveling in Europe) ... If I register my car in France and then take it to England, do I have to move the steering wheel to the other side?
General computer questions ...
Tech support: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.
Tech support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Tech support: OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Tech support: OK, sir, can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
Customer: Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.
Caller: I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks can I get my file back?
Tech support: OK. At the bottom left-hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?
Customer: Wow! How can you see my screen from there?
Now, in this last one, you will be reading an almost unbelievable exchange between a call-in customer and a WordPerfect Customer Support Center employee, who was terminated as a result of this taped conversation and is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Operator: Ridge Hall, computer assistance, how may I help you?
Caller: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.
Operator: What sort of trouble?
Caller: Well, I was just typing along and all of a sudden the words went away.
Operator: Went away?
Caller: They disappeared.
Operator: Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Caller: It's blank. It won't accept anything when I type.
Operator: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
Caller: How do I tell?
Operator: Can you see the 'C prompt' on the screen?
Caller: What's a sea-prompt?
Operator: Never mind. Can you move your cursor around on the screen?
Caller: There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
Operator: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Caller: What's a monitor?
Operator: It's the thing with a screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
Caller: I don't know.
Operator: Well then, look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Caller: Yes, I think so.
Operator: Great. Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: Yes, it is.
Operator: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it and not just one?
Operator: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Caller: OK, here it is.
Operator: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
Caller: I can't reach.
Operator: OK. Well, can you see if it is?
Caller: No ...
Operator: Even if maybe you put your knee on something and lean way over?
Caller: Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.
Caller: Yes. The office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: Well, turn on the office light then.
Caller: I can't.
Operator: No? Why not?
Caller: Because there's a power failure.
Operator: A -- a power -- a power failure? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?
Caller: Well yes, I keep them in the closet.
Operator: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Caller: Really? Is it that bad?
Operator: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Caller: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Operator: Tell them you're too ****** stupid to own a computer!
Thanks, Jennie, for the forwarding of this e-mail.