Sunday, June 29, 2008

The Big 'C'

A blogger friend of mine is closing down her site.

Here is what you read on the opening page ...

This is my story as I journey to places unknown in life ... be it as a wife, a mother, a Christian woman, a friend, or a cancer fighter/survivor. Please know that what I write comes from my heart and soul. My hope is that you see and hear the real me in my writings, quirks and all. Thank you for taking the time to join me on my journey. May we all find beauty, peace, love, and happiness on our way to places unknown.

Isn't that beautiful?

Judy was first diagnosed with breast cancer six years ago. Her current rounds with chemotherapy (fighting the first recurrence of this awful disease) were making her quite ill. She went in every Friday, and did not feel like much of anything until the following Tuesday.

Her posts were all over the place. Most days she was really 'down' and talked about how she was losing her faith in God, that she had no friends, and no one to turn to. Some days, tho, she was feeling almost human. She got her hair cut. That made her feel better.

I noticed that hardly anyone was commenting on her posts. I didn't know her at all -- I'd just found her site cruising the net -- but I hated the thought of someone going through all this thinking that no one cared about her. I began leaving comments. I didn't know what to say, really. I tried to find something positive in each post and expand a bit on that. It wasn't often easy, but I did the best I could. I'm not very good with stuff like that.

She only had two more chemo visits scheduled. Even tho it was making her sick, she thought she was seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel.

Then, last week she found a lump. She went to the doctor immediately, of course, and they did lab tests along with a biopsy, which turned out to be quite painful. She was to find out the results this past Friday.

Well, Thursday night she couldn't sleep and wrote a post describing her fears. I checked her site every day for news. Nothing until today. It's bad news. She's scheduled for major surgery next week followed by more chemotherapy. She did not say what the prognosis is.

Now she's worried about how far throughout her body the cancer might have already spread. She's questioning God. She's going to stop posting, she says, because she has nothing good to say and she wants to conserve what energy she has for her husband and their 3-year-old daughter.

I'm going to share with you my comments on her last post. They're terribly inadequate, I know. I thought and thought, but just couldn't come up with anything that might be of comfort. If you read my words, perhaps you can send a prayer Judy's way that will be better than what I could come up with.

I am so sorry, Judy. I will think of you often in the coming weeks and months. I don't have any magic words to say. If you feel like it, you're more than welcome to read my posts. You know where to find me. I'm sending you a gigantic hug ... hope you can feel it.

I didn't include any platitudes about how God loves her or how I would be praying for her, as I have done before. She's so down right now. I didn't have the right words. Maybe you can find some?


The Elys said...

I will send some healing her way and add her name to the healing list.

whalechaser said...

No. I have no comments either. When the worst of the worst, and the ugliest of the ugly happen I believe there is no consolation.

It is very, very good and helpful to know friends are there to 'hold you' as you go through it though.

So, just hold her her...whether that is virtually or for real.


KJMBroyles said...

Thank you for your thoughts. You will never know how much your comments came to mean to me. They always put a smile on my face even when I felt just horrid. I appreciate that you cared enough to stop and join me on my journey.

The reason I did not put the prognosis is that until they actually have the cancer out of me and can measure it, they will not know what stage it is at or anything. So, I will not know that information until after the mastectomy. I will post one or two more blogs with all the information such as surgery date and prognosis so that you will know what is going on with me. Thank you again for all you have said to me in the past months.

Goldenrod said...

There is just no way I can do a new post today.

Thank you, Jo, for adding Judy's name to your healing list.

Thank you, "Whalechaser", for your comment.

I am simply overWHELMed by Judy's taking some of her valuable time to come onto my site and express her thanks!

I feel so humbled.

Judy, I hope you can somehow imagine how many more people are out there 'pulling' for you.

NO one can go through what you are going through. No one is "YOU".

God made only one of each of us. Amen.

Craig Peihopa said...

What a wonderful thing that you reached out Golden rod. I recall having gone through my fathers passing when I was 14, and the subsequent friends and their remaining families since, and feel that the experiences have taught me something I have begun to understand, that there is really nothing that CAN be said, to ease the pain, or ease the emotion, it is all about just BEING there.

I recall being in a situation with a family member of a friend who died and someone came up to them at a funeral and said I know how you feel, and the family member retorted with frustration and great loss and said "Do you? Do you really?" I have a Mum whose cancer has re-appeared she is 74, and she is going back in for surgery, she is worried, and there is nothing that can be said which doesn't trigger tears or anger, yet I have found that being able to call and just see how things are and what can I do lets her know I care. Bless you for caring.

Goldenrod said...

I'll be thinking about your mother, Craig, and trying to send some encouraging thoughts her way. Thank you for your heartfelt comment.

steven said...

this year i supported a student and her family through brain cancer. when you're twelve you should be concerned with more important stuff like how irritating parents can be and how cute boys can sometimes be and how you don't want homework and not when your next chemo session is or whether your hair will grow back quickly and cover the shunt scars. i convinced my student to focus on the good stuff as much as possible despite the invasive surgeries and the loss of hair and the scars etc. she so badly wanted to be at school it was mind-boggling. she and i had the greatest laughs and i hammered the schoolwork at her! we did tons of fund-raising for the canadian cancer society and with their help and the efforts of a lot of very young kids and their families, my school put together the best christmas for her and her family. it was and is an amazing journey as this girl continues to defy the odds and is a happy, healthy, beautiful person destined to continue to make her mark on the world. your post was magnificent and lovely as usual goldenrod! the responses are mute testament to the power of care.

Goldenrod said...

I have just finished closing my eyes and praying silently for Steven's 12-year-old student, for Craig's mother, and for Judy. And, for all others who are in desperate need of warmth and all-enveloping love.

Tammy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tammy said...

My thoughts and prayers go out to your friend.....