Saturday, July 25, 2009

Bill Gates vs. GM

For those of you who have seen this a gazillion times already, please wait for my next post. This one is courtesy of Jennie, again, whose accompanying comment was, "This is so true, some of the time."

The e-mail forwarded to me from Jennie begins, "For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection* for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on." [*I don't happen to feel the 'deepest love and affection' for computers, altho I'll certainly admit that I've had an absolute blast this past year and a half with mine!]

At a recent computer expo, COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology the way the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating, "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash ... ... twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.

4. Sometimes, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive ... but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car has Performed an Illegal Operation' warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, 'Are you sure?', before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off."

And then the initial author of this e-mail added, "When all else fails, you could call 'Customer Service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!"


Craig Peihopa said...

This is a scream. Gee you have a broad breath of flavour to your posts Goldenrod. I love the variety, although on Bridge and on Baseball, I am ignorant and let that become painfully obvious i remain silent on those ones, though I do read them all! I even wanted to utilise the dance video of the wedding, what a scream.

Goldenrod said...

Hi, Craig! Really appreciate your comment. Am having to scroll down through my posts to see if anyone has left a comment or message. For some reason or another, my e-mails are all screwed up. Glad you liked that wedding video. Wasn't that just hilarious?!?

Chuck said...

This is a wonderful piece and I laughed a bunch. Unfortunately, when I checked, it turns out it is mere wishful thinking and never happened. Too bad, because it is hilarious (and perhaps true!)

Goldenrod said...

I agree, Chuck, but SOMEone sure had fun making all of this up ... and I'm glad they took the time to do so!