The following observations have been made by a noted master chef* who recently completed yet another intensive course in the culinary arts.
1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is just a test and thus calorie free.
2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
3. If a friend comes over while you're making Christmas cookies and wants to try one, you should - per rules of etiquette - eat with your friend. And because your friend's first cookie is calorie free (see #1), your courtesy allows you to participate in the tasting under the same exception.
4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will go directly to your feet and fall off as you continue to move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be negligible because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.
6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have only three and green ones have five ... one calorie for each letter.
7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not considered one's personal fuel.
8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories at all because the process of breaking causes massive calorie runoff.
9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate.
*Whalechaser. Although her astute observations have been edited for purposes of this post, the essence of her wisdom has been strictly adhered to. So, enjoy those cookies without fear of gaining even an ounce!