... funny, but groaners nonetheless.
This first one is about a very famous heart surgeon, who is standing off to the side watching a mechanic remove some engine valves from his car.
Morris, the mechanic - somewhat of a loud mouth - shouts, "Hey, doc? Come on over here a minute. Let me show you something!"
The famous doctor, a bit surprised, walks over to where Morris is working on his car.
Morris, in a very loud voice that all could hear, said, "So tell me, Mr. Famous Doctor ... ... I take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get paid the big bucks, while you and me are basically doing the same work?"
The surgeon was highly embarrassed, but replied softly to Morris, "Try doing it while the engine is running and a life is at stake."
This second one is titled "IRS Auditor" ... ...
At the end of each year, the IRS sent an auditor to examine the books of a local hospital. Always, it seemed, the same questions were asked. Among these were ...
"I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do at the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?" (Answer: We save them up and send them back to the bandage company, and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages.)
"Oh," said the somewhat frustrated auditor at this practical answer, but then continued, "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?" (Answer: We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster.)
"I see," replied the auditor, and then his scowl turned into a simpering grin when he noticed an item on the books that - upon further questioning, he thought - could not possibly be explained in a logical or rational manner.
"Well," he then asked, smirking the whole while, "What do you do with all these leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform on babies?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," replied the hospital administrator. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."