I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die from natural causes.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
There are two kinds of pedestrians ... the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually-transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, yet it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention at all to criticism.
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?