Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Ponderisms

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die from natural causes.

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.

Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

There are two kinds of pedestrians ... the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually-transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, yet it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention at all to criticism.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

3 comments:

Tammy said...

Oh Goldenrod...what can I say other than I am giggling myself silly here?

Craig Peihopa said...

Sounds like someone has stolen my very thoughts, I often do the test with plants, and let me tell you if Jimmy tries to crack corn around me again I will punch him in the nose!

stamperdad said...

I've had my chuckle for the week. Too funny and yet so true. The third one about buying something, then finding it is the one that gets me all the time. Now I have two of everything.

Steve