Monday, March 30, 2009

Deep doodoo

I am in deep doodoo. Indeed, I am. I have recently developed an addiction.

Whoops! Did I just say an addiction? Would that it were ever so!!

Do you remember my crowing about losing weight? How, ever since Ike struck a little more than six months ago, I haven't stocked ice cream in my freezer? As a matter of fact, I think my exact words were ... well, never mind what my exact words were ... ... here ... ... you'll have to scroll down 10-11 paragraphs or so, but you can read what I said for yourself. And I wasn't exactly crowing. More like I was speculating.

Well, I'm still not "stocking" ice cream in my freezer. No no. I'm not. I'm not stocking it. It's being eaten too fast to be considered stocked. At least I haven't yet deteriorated to the extent that I am buying vanilla ice cream by the gallon, loading it up with warm chocolate sauce and topping all of that off with peanuts. Hmmph! How dare you even think of such a dastardly thing? I mean, how dare you!

So what do you think might have caused this latest dive into the depths of chocoholickism? I blame it all - there has to be someone or something to blame, right? - on Viactiv. Aye, there's the culprit! (You knew that I would ferret out and then point my finger at the guilty evil party, didn't you? Well, I just did!)

Ever since I told you that I couldn't possibly bring myself to put another of those little square Viactiv thingees in my mouth and force myself to chew on it over and over and over again until - finally - it should either be swallowed or spat out in disgust ... ... ... I had to pause here. I was just going to look up when I wrote that, for crying out loud! It would have been sometime this year.

But then I got to thinking that we have to go back to the reason why I'm trying to inflict my body with at least 1200 'whatevers - I forget what the term is' of calcium each and every single day. Why the devil is it that this required intake is now so important, anyway?

Ah, yes! I can pinpoint almost exactly when this all began. It was in May 2008 ... almost a year ago. I saw my "new" primary care doctor. I use the term 'new' to the loosest possible extent because I - prior to that date - never had a 'primary care' doctor. How do you like that term? I like it not the least little bit!

But, alas, I have digressed terribly. I apologize. Not only to this post, but to my poor mouth and saliva glands, who are at this very moment screaming out, "Fudge bars. We want fudge bars! We want fudge bars!! We demand fudge bars!!!" Have to go to the store now. Talk atcha later!


Tammy said...

Goldenrod, you crack me up.

Chuck said...

Thanks a bunch. I'm dieting and now you tempt me with ice cream, sauce, and nuts -- my favorite! Shame on you! My problem is I have too much will power -- but nowhere near enough "won't" power!