Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Lady judge rules defendant's actions "Justifiable" ...

... and throws out case.

In a landmark decision yesterday, the judge ruled in a case that had come to be known as "The Mammogram Strikes Back!"

Here is the defendant's testimony, taken directly from court records ... ...

I actually kept my mammogram appointment.

I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!"

This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, and slip on this gown. Everything clear?" She then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science!"

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me to the left - literally - and said, "Hmmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

"Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so I thought, "Why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to try and finish me off?"

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity - one part of my left side now firmly wedged between two 4" square pieces of glass - when we first heard, then felt a 'zap' followed by complete darkness as the power went off.

"Maintenance is working," she said as she headed for the door. "They must have hit a snag."

"Excuse me!" I shouted. "You're not going to leave me in this vise all alone, are you?"

As she made her exit I heard her say, "Oh, you fussy puppy! The door's wide open, so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

And before I could scream, "NOOOOO!!" she was gone.

That's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me ... half-naked, one part wedged in the "jaws of life" and the rest of me dangling.

After exchanging polite "Hi! Howzit goin'?" greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise what was now mounting hysteria, I replied as calmly as I could, "Uh, yes. Yes, I did, thanks!"

"You bet. Take care!" Bubba replied as he made his exit.

Two hours later Brenda breezed in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh, I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is the story behind how her head ended up between the clamps.

I am going to label this "Jokes", but I can ALmost see such a thing actually happening, and then it would not be nearly as funny, would it?

My time for blogging is going to be quite limited the next couple of days, so I thought I'd at least get this one out there - thanking Jennie for her e-mail, which prompted this post - before I depart the house to get the car washed and then go on up to IAH to pick up one of my regular and long-timey cancer patient taxicab customers.

This time, tho, I get the opportunity to meet his wife and one of his grandchildren! How very special!! Tomorrow morning I'll be picking her and their grandson up to take them down to NASA. While the two of them are enjoying their tour, I plan to go on over to Kemah - less than ten minutes away - to ascertain for myself what's really open for business there in the aftermath of Ike.

Talk to you later. Have to go now!

1 comment:

Craig Peihopa said...

Wow Goldenrod, NASA. Enjoy, you are such a warm soul. I loved this post.

Take Care